Maybe I'm just out of the loop on this one, but did anybody know that there's a Loki running around the island?

Up for a run tomorrow night, kid?

- Eat dinner before going trick-or-treating. This way you're not hungry while out and you won't eat the candy as you get it. That candy will last into tomorrow this way.

- The post below has a creatively worded guide to carving pumpkins.

- Follow through with the threat of a trick if there is no treat.

- Watch a scary movie with someone who has never seen it before and might scare easily to maximize hilarity.

- If you're an older kid and there is a younger kid, don't deny bringing them along. Cute kids guarantee more candy. This does not apply to infants, as infants should not be given candy and everyone knows it.

- Don't egg things. If they break, you're doomed. Good alternatives include: Shaving cream, silly string, water balloons filled with baby powder, and classic toilet paper. Invest in two-ply if you're a dedicated prankster.

- You may gain sympathy if it is later in the day and your candy bag is tragically lacking massive amounts of candy. This sympathy may cause the person to dump all remaining candy in your bag to fix this. Bring two bags and trick-or-treat with the back with less candy in it.

- Smile.

- 'Take One' does not mean 'take one.' It means take all. If you spot this it's almost a requirement to immediately dump all candy into your bag. OR glue all the candy in that bowl together and glue the bowl to whatever surface it is on.

- Don't put out 'take one' candy bowls.

- Do not take your time giving out the candy to the trick-or-treaters at your door and attempt to converse with them. They have places to be.

- If you know someone who is trained in the art of on-demand tears, bring them. If they can pretend to be hurt or upset and lure out the unsuspecting candy-giver, they will receive double the candy. The candy-giver will also be distracted and any bowl of candy that is not in their hands will be temporarily defenseless.

- This also works in adult form and may get someone to fetch you a drink. Don't overdo it.

- Prepare secondary costumes. This is good for emergencies should the first costume meet an unfortunate downfall and also for hitting the same house twice.

- Should you trick-or-treat the same house twice, be sure to do it at least an hour apart so you are not free in the candy-givers head. The secondary costume must also be just as impressive as the first costume and could not be easily mistaken for the first. If costume A is a witch with a hat, costume B can not have a hat. It can, however, be Harry Potter. Nobody suspects Harry Potter.

- If secondary costumes fail, come back an hour later with masks on and a different shirt. Masks never fail.

- Don't be the guy without a costume. Nobody likes that guy.

- Hold your drink in your left hand.

- If you are an adult, do not wear a latex mask. Masks are just creepy.

- Don't wear a costume that will smack me in the face when you turn around.
- Easiest Halloween Icebreaker: "I like your costume." and/or "What are you supposed to be?" Do not use the latter on a lady dressed like a cat. It is very obvious they are a cat and all attempts at conversing will now fail due to stupidity.

- If all costumes fail, put on a suit. Everyone likes suits.

Halloween approaches?! Why did no one tell me?! There's so little time to prepare! Where will I find window reinforcements? Should I choose a blade or a blunt instument to fend off he candy demons?

I must find shelter. Yes... Shelter away from these horrible...

No. Not this year. This year I fight back against the monsters. They will mot take ZIM's.blood-candies, no. I will defend my blood until my very last breath if I have to!

WHO: anyone foolish enough to think Sherlock Holmes deserves rescuing
WHAT: the aforementioned rescuing
WHEN: the full moon of October 29th

( there is no clean way to enter the heavy machinery of the heart. )