[ She could give two shits about whether or not she's real -- she's had it lobbed at her enough times back home.

No, this girl is standing in the middle of the Juanes department store, phone in one hand, Dulce and Garbanna bag held at arms length in the other, and she's fixing you with the glare of death, New Moore. ] What the hell is this crap?!

Finland.


Might have to stay with you.

Whoever is pulling this elaborate prank, come out and give up so I can break your knees already! I’m not gonna fall for your shit, okay?! Waking up in a hospital is one thing, but being told lies that don't make sense is something else completely and it's not funny!

[The slight look of hysteria on his face says otherwise. He’s obviously already fallen for it, and worried about it. Still angry and trying to keep up the threatening façade, though.]

I just wanna go home, to my house, with my stupid brother and his stupid food! Wait, no, the food’s not stupid.

Shit, now I’m hungry!

Dammit, where do you people eat here?

I have to eat before I do anything too strenuous like fighting my way back home.

[Obviously food is an important goal; one has to be in their top strength before hypothetically clawing their way tooth and nail to freedom. Actually, who does he even go to to get home? Does this island even have an airport... This is essentially him freaking out and ranting uselessly.]

ugh somehow i just can't bring myself to get stoked for crossdressing this time, idek.

pass. reruns of that socialite reality show = scary enough for me this year

[The woman who calls herself Qing Ji waves her hand vaguely in front of a few tacky florescent signs placed in a strip mall window. One says "kung fu" in vertical neon lettering. As if the next one couldn't be worse, it does. The next one is just as bright, and almost blindingly ugly. She looks, somehow, less amused even though there's not much to compare it to. Above the concrete pillars is lettering in a basic sans serifed letter face that says "Martial Arts" written in red.

Through the windows, a large mural of a dragon that's painted in various hues of greens and blues. A handful of exotic plants are in the windows, obscuring the view of the very basic gym mats set all over the floor. It doesn't look very fancy. Oh well.]

It's as it says.

[She brings joins her hands in front of her, beneath her sleeves.]

Whoever wants to join is welcome, intermediate to advanced. If you have experience, I'd like to gauge your abilities myself. Please come by and I'll see what you can do.

Teddie tried using "Wikipedia" to find enough information about Spain to locate him but it's not working--I think I need to know more about what he was like here... on the island... can his friends tell me more about him?

So I'm somewhere between thinkin this is my boss' weird and heavy-handed way of saying I should take a holiday and quit fussin over Parliament, and this being a really detailed dream, which I guess would be my subconscious' weird and heavy-handed way of sayin I should take a holiday.

But more importantly, who broke Spain!?

[ The audio picks up to sounds of a heated scuffle, muffled by what are probably sheets. After a few minutes of what can't be described as anything but undignified yelping and some complaints in a garbed Cantonese-English mix, the struggle seems to end. After a few seconds of breathless panting, Hong Kong's voice complains, ]

I TOLD YOU I'M NOT YOUR TARGET, WHAT'S WIT--

IS THIS A GUNDAM?!

I TOLD YOU, JAPANESE MILITARY TECHNOLOGY MAKES ME NERVOUS!! I TOLD YOU THAT IN THE STRICTEST CONFIDE--

What are you doing?

GET AWAY FROM ME

[ The sound of scuffling returns, as does the screeching. Ultimately, the audio recorder turns off on its own. ]

all my shit is stewed in seawater

First off, my thanks to the police department for being cooperative to someone who has little authority on this island. I am truly gracious. After collecting and properly organizing the paperwork at my disposal, I've learned the a few details that I was not given at my orientation.

• The current law enforcement works on the "strike system." This declares individuals who commit minor offenses are giving three chances to rectify their behavior. Punishment by law enforcement is given depending on the nature of the crime and the perpetrator's current strike. Three strikes until the individual is incarcerated for ten years to life. However, these strikes can be contested in a court of law.


• The above, of course, is based solely on the government's self-declared laws. Some of which, such as deeming those who try to escape guilty, are ludicrous if such precautions such as a barrier are put into place. This either means that there is the possibility of escape, or that the government means to set an example of those who try.


• Major offenses are punishable by more than a single strike based on the nature of the crime, but still up to the whim of the government. These offenses include, but are not limited to, both murder and battery.


• New Moore practices civil law. This means a judge decides a person's fate based on a variety of factors including evidence, proper defense and former record. I'm unfamiliar with the officials appointed, or their means of ruling fair judgment.


• Those who are prosecuted are guilty until proven innocent. Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be many competent defense attorneys on this island. This puts everyone at a disadvantage in the eyes of the judge.

This is all set-up by a third party and not the actual government and laws made by the island of New Moore itself. We can assume source outside the island is involved, unless I find evidence otherwise. As far as who or what, that, for the moment, remains to be seen.

It has only been a few days, but my endeavor has left me with more questions than answers. However, the name "New Moore" sounds familiar, even if I can't place it right now.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL NEXT WEEK

I AM TOTALLY CONFUSED BUT THAT BOY IS VERY MUCH IN PAIN

A FATHER THAT WON'T CLAIM HIM

HE WAS HIT BY A CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

THEY CAN'T KILL HIM RIGHT

THIS IS ONLY THE FIRST TWO EPISODES



KOREA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

List of Grievances, Part Two:

- we've got an extra hour here guys, surely you could air another episode of la madrastra reruns since you have already downgraded this classic cinematic masterpiece to late night tv and at 125 eps I feel like you aren't gonna run out any time soon!!

- speaking of cinematic masterpiece "the stepmother" and how balls-to-the-wall irreplaceable it was and remains in my heart, can we talk about this show that is attempting to replace it? what the heck is a "winter sonata"

- i mean it is like the middle of summer!!

- and since he's not here to defend himself korean sounds made up and that guy is still just an old dude in sweaters!! i don't get the fuss!!

- how come if that guy is made up his shitty dramas aren't!!!

- at least i don't have to barf over japan bawling over "yon-sama"

anyway they are having a two hour series premiere today at three. if it was la madrastra id tell you to run home as fast as your little legs could carry you but honestly what's the point??

Now you HAVE to acknowledge me.

After weeks of grueling auditions, I present to you:

CAST LIST

"How to Commit Suicide and Take Everyone Else With You"
AUTHOR: Karkat Vantas
DIRECTOR: Joshua Morgan
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: Rose Tyler

THE METEOR: Poland
MR. FUCKRUCKUS: Belgium
THE VOICE OF SANITY AND REASON: Seta Souji
JACK NOIR: Dante

Please comment below to accept your role.

I am tickled pinker than a Georgia peach to begin this journey with all of you.

...The sad thing is that this actually makes sense. I think I've been waiting for the day when someone finally told me that the entire duration of my high school life was either someone's cruel idea of a joke or some kind of dream I've been having for the past few months. Even if it was just ruled out by me waking up from a different dream.

That said. I'm really getting tired of waking up in hospital beds and having to deal with nothing but exposition right away. Maybe the last time it happened was just a prelude to this happening.

Actually, you know what? I don't want to know.

I have been thinking long and hard about this, and the only conclusion I can come to is that the people who run this island want me, specifically, to bang my roommate. I dunno about the rest of you. I'm pretty sure this is about me.

Evidence:
Assigned as roommates when my ex-legal guardian was here anyway
Not bringing any of my friends, isolating me with him (and England)
Weird kissing thing
The volcano (bringing us together through mutual danger)
Santa (see above)
Cute animals taking our stuff (blankets stolen - need to share them??)
Grown up aging thing (demonstrate the long-term viability of relationship - stays a cute grown-up)
Weird midnight thing (gives an extra hour to the day (for kissing?), tires him out)
The dance (we could have gone together)

And now this!!

What I'm saying is there is an easy way to solve this. I bet if we did it the forcefield would lift. No arguments; this is science.

Right, you lot! It's done, and I don't want to hear any complaining! Loads of people put their names down and didn't turn in surveys, so don't blame me if you didn't get your first choice. Maybe next time you might want to think about asking them yourself!


Finnick Odair & ME
Tamaki Suou & Haruhi Fujioka
Katsura Kotaro & Souji Seta
Karkat Vantas & John ... Human Egbert
Victor Mancha & Minato Arisato
Akihiko Sanada & Karolina Dean
Kazuhiko Yukimi & Maya Amano
Yosuke Hanamura & Chie Satonaka

Questions? No? Good!! Congratulations, now have at it.

okay, I'll bite. Setting aside the supervillain, what's with all the babies??

Whoever drove through a puddle and splashed my grocery bags an I and didn't even ask if I was okay, I will find you!! DON'T THINK I WON'T!!


everything ruined...