thoughtformed | [TEXTS, Various]

yes
i guess i must be ok to talk about it
since i didnt really stop
its not like it wasnt out there in public to see anyway
he is good at making trouble
i guess that is part of what he does
i read some of the mythology but it is hard to reconcile stories where a man gives birth to a horse with someone who sits next to you in class
i am really afraid to ask what that was about
anyway
they are the sort of people who would probably find each other interesting
in their game of wits manipulative way
the fallout however when one of them lost i thought would be disastrous
vriska does not
i should say has not
i think the least i can do now is give her the faith that she might have actually changed some
has not in the past taken to losing or being shown up very well
and i
we
its a something
cross species relationships are more complicated than i thought they would be
im rambling again
i thought she had threatened him and instead of keeping my protective thoughts in check and waiting to see what would happen i threatened her back
looking back on it now it wasnt a super overt threat and it was kind of a stray overreacted thought but i blurted it out
when you cant stop yourself from talking it makes it harder to stop from saying things that are true at the moment but not necessarily true if you get to reflect on them more
but nothing happened we managed to defuse the situation ourselves

As an outsider it didn't actually seem all that bad.
But I'm aware there was more going on than was immediately aparent.
And you going to leave it where it is now?

i dont think i have a choice
i want to apologize to her
some of the things i said in the heat of the moment arent the way i wanted them to be said
and i honestly didnt want to hurt her feelings
i just didnt think i could just trust her immediately again
i dont think she will want to speak to me though

Calculations say she will anyway.
If you do it before this whole honesty thing blows over she'll know you're telling the truth.
Though there's the obvious risk of being too honest.

did you really just calculate the odds of that?
i just laughed
im sorry i dont know why thats funny but it kind of is
what are the odds that she will talk to me before the honest wears off?
given that future dave didnt mention how long it would last

I calculate basically all things at all times.
So yeah.
I may play up the AI shtick for ironic purposes but numbers are pretty much my thing. Like time is your thing.
To answer your question, that depends on variables like how hard you try and what methods you employ.
But since you are all about time shit and can probably bother her on this same day for as long as you want.
I'll just round your odds up to 100%.
If you just want to make sure she gets a message, though. I can hook you up.

are you offering to pass one along for me?

Yeah.

youre very kind
i think that would probably be for the best
an actual conversation might get out of hand again if neither of us can censor ourselves
you know what i mean
give me a bit while i work on how to phrase this
but can i ask
why did you want to talk to me about that?

Various reasons.
Do you want all of them?

yes
if you dont mind telling me

. . .
Curiosity, mainly.
I have a desire to know and understand as much as I am capable.
Which is a fucking lot.
And I also have a specific interest in troll culture.
And...
I would appreciate it if you didn't spread this around.
But I suppose I wanted to help?
No question noodle, I'm not actually uncertain about that.
It's just a little weird.

oh well
id be happy to answer any of your questions about trolls
karkat likes to take over that role and he does a pretty good job of it
while i provided exposition of other kinds to illuminate why we were here in the first place
in general though i dont mind
and i was always excavating ruins and tombs and anything i could find
we have a pretty fascinating archaeological record

and i will not tell anyone
you should know that i appreciated the help
it was nice to talk to somebody about it and i think you were a good person to tell
even if i dont know you very well yet
beyond the fact that you are a different iteration of dirk and a computer
and that you have good taste in movies
i think though that it was important to say it to someone who wouldnt try to explain it or fix it the way karkat might have
or get tied up in some of the details the way dave does
for all that dave is friends with a lot of us
i think some of what we do and how we are is still unsettling to him even if he doesn't say so
so thank you
you had very good timing

Huh.
Thanks.

haha
you werent expecting me to say that were you

I've already adjusted my parameters accordingly.
Try doing that again.

try what
saying something to surprise you
what did you adjust your parameters to account for

Genuine kindness and/or profound sneakiness.
Self-awareness. Zen.
Some other stuff.
Pretty much all in your favor.

in trolls the population in general or just from me
though i guess i can see why you would not have accounted for kindness in trolls
considering what i know of whats happened where you come from which is quite a bit by now

Actually.
Minus the batter bitch herself.
You've all been pretty cool.

well thank you
though i am pretty sure some of us wouldnt be happy to hear it
but between you and me
sometimes i suspect we were not necessarily a very good representation of our species and what was expected of us
or maybe we just had the luck to be able to dodge those restrictions and actually try to be ourselves

I've been pondering that.
Statistically, I would say the sample you and your friends provide suggests all, or most, adolescent trolls have similar experiences.
Befriending those outside their caste and seeing them as perhaps 'special cases' while not necessarily abandoning the power of the hemospectrum itself.
To be fair, since any attempt to rebel against it would probably get you quickly killed, regardless of blood color, it's fairly reasonable to have exceptions without questioning the rule.
Anyway.
Your group may only be different in that you had the chance to get away from it and be not just permitted but encouraged to work together in order for the Alpha timeline to succeed.
Which I understand you have the most experience with.
It's also possible that you each are truly outliers of your species.
'Fate' certainly has a hand in everything here.
You may have been the only twelve with any possibility to come together at all, while still having a group that spans the spectrum of both blood and personality.
I think I prefer the first theory, though.

i think i do too but i think both are true
its maybe kinder than we deserve sometimes but i have also noticed that attempting to follow the letter and spirit of the hemospectrum has done nothing but hurt the people who believed in it most strongly
doing what she was supposed to do didnt make vriska happy
eridan acted like he thought his blood meant him to be and nobody could stand to be around him as a result
my ex quadrantmate equius tortured himself over having to pay deference to highbloods while disdaining lowbloods while wanting to date one and helping out those under him with as far as i know no expectations of repayment or ulterior motives
except when he made my soulbot that was meant to be a romantic gesture and it sort of worked in an unintended way but thats not my point
im really noticing when i cant control how much i say i will just go on and on and on
so moving on
the people who didnt really care about the hemospectrum so much or what society wanted of them were much happier with their life
tavros the happiest one of us i dont think ever killed a troll at all or any living thing if he could help it
he didnt hate anyone
not even vriska
who made it so that he could never walk again until he got robolegs
his life wasnt exactly easy but apart from some problems with self confidence he seemed content to like what he liked and not care about how he was supposed to be
it helps that we never really reached the pressure of having to find a place on ascension or actually reproduce or anything too
we might have changed significantly then just for the sake of staying alive
at the same time we were always going to be the ones to play the game and thus we were always going to have to function as a team
largely because karkat refused to accept anything else from us and bullied us into cooperation
in part because he wanted to prove himself
and partly because he genuinely cared enough about all of us to try and keep us from giving too much rein to our outward or inward destructive tendencies
traits like that are why he was our leader
so we would have to be a group of people who either didnt care to challenge him
or were respectful or friendly enough to defer to him eventually
and had enough bonds between us as well to keep the group mostly cohesive up until the point where we didnt have to be any longer
so that we could muster together under his guidance however many mistakes he made

In a lot of ways trolls and humans are fundamentally very similar.
Perhaps that is points in favor of the theory that unity and equality are always going to lead to more happiness than disparity.
Even when disparity occurs in the rigid social order of a different species.
From what I know of Beforus, even when the intent of the hemospectrum was inverted, it still heavily restricted the lower castes and subsequently was a source of conflict.
So basically.
Yeah.
"Classism is stupid" is a pretty fucking common life lesson on Earth.
And it makes sense that those most hindered by it would have the easiest time shucking it.
In that way, Karkat is probably the ideal leader.
Which maybe makes up for like.
Everything else.
Though I suppose if I had to try to keep a dozen teenage trolls in line, through the end of the world and quadrupled relationship drama, I'd probably be running my cranky scripts constantly too.

Edited 2013-01-15 03:17 (UTC)

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