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thoughtformed2013-01-12 08:47 pm
dialogical) wrote in thoughtformed2013-01-12 08:47 pm
Entry tags:
[TEXTS, Various]
[This post is for AR bothering people during the event.
It's also cool if for some reason you want to text him.]
It's also cool if for some reason you want to text him.]
Re: [Private, Aradia]
Do you want all of them?
[Private, Aradia]
if you dont mind telling me
Re: [Private, Aradia]
Curiosity, mainly.
I have a desire to know and understand as much as I am capable.
Which is a fucking lot.
And I also have a specific interest in troll culture.
And...
I would appreciate it if you didn't spread this around.
But I suppose I wanted to help?
No question noodle, I'm not actually uncertain about that.
It's just a little weird.
[Private, Aradia]
id be happy to answer any of your questions about trolls
karkat likes to take over that role and he does a pretty good job of it
while i provided exposition of other kinds to illuminate why we were here in the first place
in general though i dont mind
and i was always excavating ruins and tombs and anything i could find
we have a pretty fascinating archaeological record
[Private, Aradia]
you should know that i appreciated the help
it was nice to talk to somebody about it and i think you were a good person to tell
even if i dont know you very well yet
beyond the fact that you are a different iteration of dirk and a computer
and that you have good taste in movies
i think though that it was important to say it to someone who wouldnt try to explain it or fix it the way karkat might have
or get tied up in some of the details the way dave does
for all that dave is friends with a lot of us
i think some of what we do and how we are is still unsettling to him even if he doesn't say so
so thank you
you had very good timing
Re: [Private, Aradia]
Thanks.
[Private, Aradia]
you werent expecting me to say that were you
Re: [Private, Aradia]
Try doing that again.
[Private, Aradia]
saying something to surprise you
what did you adjust your parameters to account for
Re: [Private, Aradia]
Self-awareness. Zen.
Some other stuff.
Pretty much all in your favor.
[Private, Aradia]
though i guess i can see why you would not have accounted for kindness in trolls
considering what i know of whats happened where you come from which is quite a bit by now
Re: [Private, Aradia]
Minus the batter bitch herself.
You've all been pretty cool.
[Private, Aradia]
though i am pretty sure some of us wouldnt be happy to hear it
but between you and me
sometimes i suspect we were not necessarily a very good representation of our species and what was expected of us
or maybe we just had the luck to be able to dodge those restrictions and actually try to be ourselves
Re: [Private, Aradia]
Statistically, I would say the sample you and your friends provide suggests all, or most, adolescent trolls have similar experiences.
Befriending those outside their caste and seeing them as perhaps 'special cases' while not necessarily abandoning the power of the hemospectrum itself.
To be fair, since any attempt to rebel against it would probably get you quickly killed, regardless of blood color, it's fairly reasonable to have exceptions without questioning the rule.
Anyway.
Your group may only be different in that you had the chance to get away from it and be not just permitted but encouraged to work together in order for the Alpha timeline to succeed.
Which I understand you have the most experience with.
It's also possible that you each are truly outliers of your species.
'Fate' certainly has a hand in everything here.
You may have been the only twelve with any possibility to come together at all, while still having a group that spans the spectrum of both blood and personality.
I think I prefer the first theory, though.
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its maybe kinder than we deserve sometimes but i have also noticed that attempting to follow the letter and spirit of the hemospectrum has done nothing but hurt the people who believed in it most strongly
doing what she was supposed to do didnt make vriska happy
eridan acted like he thought his blood meant him to be and nobody could stand to be around him as a result
my ex quadrantmate equius tortured himself over having to pay deference to highbloods while disdaining lowbloods while wanting to date one and helping out those under him with as far as i know no expectations of repayment or ulterior motives
except when he made my soulbot that was meant to be a romantic gesture and it sort of worked in an unintended way but thats not my point
im really noticing when i cant control how much i say i will just go on and on and on
so moving on
the people who didnt really care about the hemospectrum so much or what society wanted of them were much happier with their life
tavros the happiest one of us i dont think ever killed a troll at all or any living thing if he could help it
he didnt hate anyone
not even vriska
who made it so that he could never walk again until he got robolegs
his life wasnt exactly easy but apart from some problems with self confidence he seemed content to like what he liked and not care about how he was supposed to be
it helps that we never really reached the pressure of having to find a place on ascension or actually reproduce or anything too
we might have changed significantly then just for the sake of staying alive
at the same time we were always going to be the ones to play the game and thus we were always going to have to function as a team
largely because karkat refused to accept anything else from us and bullied us into cooperation
in part because he wanted to prove himself
and partly because he genuinely cared enough about all of us to try and keep us from giving too much rein to our outward or inward destructive tendencies
traits like that are why he was our leader
so we would have to be a group of people who either didnt care to challenge him
or were respectful or friendly enough to defer to him eventually
and had enough bonds between us as well to keep the group mostly cohesive up until the point where we didnt have to be any longer
so that we could muster together under his guidance however many mistakes he made
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Perhaps that is points in favor of the theory that unity and equality are always going to lead to more happiness than disparity.
Even when disparity occurs in the rigid social order of a different species.
From what I know of Beforus, even when the intent of the hemospectrum was inverted, it still heavily restricted the lower castes and subsequently was a source of conflict.
So basically.
Yeah.
"Classism is stupid" is a pretty fucking common life lesson on Earth.
And it makes sense that those most hindered by it would have the easiest time shucking it.
In that way, Karkat is probably the ideal leader.
Which maybe makes up for like.
Everything else.
Though I suppose if I had to try to keep a dozen teenage trolls in line, through the end of the world and quadrupled relationship drama, I'd probably be running my cranky scripts constantly too.
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honestly at some point i stopped listening
it just became soothing background noise
karkat is screaming everything must be right with the world
or if he keeps going too long and starts running out of breath and getting too worked up i carry around a paper bag for him to breathe in when we meet up
to my knowledge he has never used any of the ones ive given him
but i keep writing his name on them and handing them over anyway waiting for the moment when theyre needed
hes probably the kindest one of us all
from an objective standpoint he is the only person who hasnt killed someone
or attempted to kill someone
that says quite a lot about him
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Statistically, your planning is bound to eventually pay off.
And somehow I'm not surprised.
Probably because I already calculated that he appears to be among the most stable of you.
Maybe the perpetual shouting lets off continuous steam.
So he never gets built up to a full murderous rage.
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it also covers up the fact that hes such a softie
if you dont actually get to know him at all
but it takes about five minutes to dispel that impression
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But yeah.
I calculate an extremely low possibility that anyone really buys into the Grouchy McShoutnubs routine.
In his favor, though.
He doesn't really think anyone does either.
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its no more a secret than his blood color
which stopped being a secret some time ago
tsundere
really?
i will have to remember that
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Anyway, you got that note for Serket drawn up?
Or do I need to shut up so you can focus the resources of your thinkpan on it?
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i know you dont want to talk to me right now and i am not sure a conversation would be a good idea
but i am sorry for what i said and how i said it
i never intended to hurt your feelings or make you hate me
because whatever has happened i don't hate you
i didnt want to fight with you again
and if i turned out to be wrong then pushing you away would be spiteful just for the sake of being spiteful and wouldnt help either of us
i know you cant help having done what you did and i really dont hold a grudge for anything that happened
i just wasnt sure that you really changed
and because i was angry with myself for saying anything at all i said everything in the worst possible way and tried to make it all your fault
i am sorry that i jumped to conclusions and threatened you over loki
it was a kneejerk reaction and karkat is right the fact that you did nothing at all is proof that i was wrong
it would be a lie if i tried to deny that most of what i said is how i feel but i shouldnt have attacked you for any of it or been so needlessly cruel
i said things to hurt you and i am sorry
maybe we were never friends and maybe we will never be friends but you are still my teammate and that still means a lot
i dont wish anything bad on you
i hope you will get to be happy one day
i hope you prove me wrong and i will gladly admit one day that i misjudged you if it comes to that
i think we will never get a chance again for me to say this with total honesty
and have you believe it
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i think thats it
i think i should just leave it there
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