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thoughtformed2013-01-14 02:45 pm
riseup) wrote in thoughtformed2013-01-14 02:45 pm
Entry tags:
[ private text to AR ]
ok, i still find it pretty weird that i am asking a pair of sunglasses for advice, but i'm trying to get over that.
do you have time to talk?
do you have time to talk?
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Sup?
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and i guess we are not all being 150% honest with each other all the time whether we like it or not anymore, so feel free to not answer it.
but have you ever gotten upset about not being the real dirk?
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But first.
Why?
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i am trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with one of my friends.
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So yeah, I know you're talking about Davesprite.
But that's still a very general reason to give when you are fishing for information I've never disclosed.
So.
What are you hoping to get out of this?
Inspiration? Empathy? A more detailed perspective?
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are you actually reading back farther?
get ready for a lot of stupid bullshit, dude.
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i feel really shitty about the whole situation and wanted to talk to someone who might get where he's coming from, because apparently i don't.
so i guess the last thing you said.
not being the real dave shouldn't be such a big deal.
right?
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it's probably my fault anyway.
the first time i ever talked to him, i said i wanted to talk to the real dave instead and he has had a stick up his butt about it ever since.
it was just something stupid i said without thinking.
i know he's different.
of course he is, it's not like they are clones.
and i know what a big deal him going back and time and becoming a sprite was.
the last time he was here, he told me all about it and i really got it.
except it wasn't him, it was another davesprite.
aaaaaarrrgh timey bullshit!!!
the point is that it doesn't matter whether or not he's the real dave!
maybe if we were still in the game, it would be a problem.
but here he is just as real as dave is.
so what the fuck!
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I haven't been able to speak to him.
But I think it is difficult to assert that you believe in a person's 'realness' while still continuously talking about it.
And while separating one from the other.
If the 'real' Dave changed form in some way would you call him by something else in order to differentiate him from all of the other more Dave Daves?
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no one gives a shit about it anymore and no one talks about it except him.
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I was actually impressed with the effort you made to get that through to him.
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what i'm asking is, as another alternate strider, why does it matter that you're not the alpha strider?
you are you.
just be you.
it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.
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It's what people who have never had their identity challenged, or shifted, or reassigned, do not understand.
Myself and DS may be different.
That much is obvious.
But people change constantly throughout their lives.
Becoming wiser, or taller, or more powerful, or a better rapper does not make them 'a different person'.
Not in the sense that you get a new name and are recognized as a separate entity from who you once were.
Outside of some dramatic personal rebirth storyline, anyway.
DS and I.
And Dave and 'Davesprite'.
Changed and followed different paths but we are still the person who we were before that crossroads occurred.
One is recognized as the Alpha, and the other is 'different'.
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i can see how that would be really annoying and make you feel like crap after a while.
so how do you get over it?
because treating him like my best friend, which is what any version of dave would be no matter what, has been doing the opposite of working.
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I did not 'get over it', I simply calculated the possible outcomes and followed the path I found most suitable.
I have the advantage of not being subject to overbearing human emotions and also being like.
A million fucking times smarter than any of you.
So realizing my own 'feelings' as they were, and choosing how to respond to them, was both a quick and elegant process.
Organic beings, however, have to grow.
I'm sure you've noticed that all of your friends, even those not suffering from an existential crisis of being secondary to another version of themselves, are a constant basket-cases of emotions.
Regularly hurting each other for stupid reasons and then regretting it.
Or not even realizing in what ways or why they've caused harm.
Basically.
By my calculations the one called Davesprite is in the throes of being a fairly typical melodramatic teenager with some additional baggage on top of the many other ways that frankly, all of your lives, were shit.
But he's still the person who was your friend.
He's just your best friend as he would be convinced he has no place in the world and insufferably choosing to drive everyone off.
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i still don't really get it.
there is no reason for him to think he has no place in the world.
so now i guess you're going to tell me that there is nothing i can do about it and i should just wait it out.
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I can tell you why he doesn't think he has a place in the world but I am going to require an agreement that you won't one day stupidly blather it all over the network.
Or to your vast group of friends.
You can talk about it with any Striders, and that's it.
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seriously?
you can tell me that???
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i can agree to that.
it will be our secret.
honestly, i probably won't even talk to dave about it.
he gets weird.
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In fact, it would be better to act without telling Davesprite either.
Or at least that's how I would do it.
He believes he's going to die, as a result of not being the Alpha Dave.
Apparently, it's a thing that happens.
Paradox space doesn't allow leftovers of failed timelines to persist within the Alpha timeline.
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in
the stupid
alpha
timeline.
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who caaaares!!!
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But in theory, it can and probably will still happen.
Since by my calculations few remain as long as you have.
Though.
I suspect he doesn't really believe he's safe here, either.
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it definitely happens.
anyway... i don't know, that's still pretty dumb to me.
if i was scared to die, spending time with my friends would make me feel better.
being a dick to them doesn't accomplish anything except making everyone miserable.
that's pretty selfish.
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jeez.
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I don't believe that is really the whole reason, though it may be how he justifies himself.
He's obviously still pretty upset about his position as Dave 2.0.
Basically, the kid has a lot of shit going on.
But maybe knowing will help you in some way.
It seems unlikely to get much worse.
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i don't know.
i think i just need to not talk to him for a while.
that probably won't help because even if i need time to stop being so pissed off at him, time isn't going to make him less of a self-sacrificing douchebag.
but it's been an uphill battle since he got back and even though it sounds pretty rude, i need a break.
if i really try, i can understand moping around because you think you are going to die... but i will never understand telling your best bro that you shouldn't be friends.
that's shitty and really screwed up and i am going to choose to believe that's not what he actually wants to happen because i don't know how to deal with it if it is.
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It's a very cliche position.
Assuming my calculation are correct.
And I always do.
But I don't necessarily disagree with the idea of taking a breather.
If your time is genuinely not limited, then a lot can be said for process of waiting.
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if he wants to be friends with all of us but thinks he shouldn't for some jacked up noble reason, he should think about it for five seconds and realize that we aren't babies.
we have already gone through a lot.
ok.
i am just going to entertain the idea for a second.
let's pretend davesprite is legitimately going to die here.
i can tell you right now that we
that's rose, jade, dave and i
would deal with it a lot better if he acted like our friend up until the end than if he did what he's doing now.
it would be the worst thing ever but we would get through that too.
i don't know how, but we would.
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I have faith that as one who shares my theoretical genetics, he'll get his shit at least somewhat sorted in time.
I mean.
He's still organic so it won't be neat but at least less of an embarrassing mess.
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i guess that does help to know and it was good to get it out.
again.
without screaming my face off and passing out repeatedly.
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Though you may want to consider that screaming until you pass out is probably also sign of some issues.
Or I guess your boyfriend could just be rubbing off on you in more way than one.
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obvious double entendre aside, i don't think karkat is capable of passing out in the middle of a good rant.
or any rant.
he has a problem.
2. it just happens!
getting angry makes me tired.
i don't think it's bad, but i guess i can bring it up to mr. coulson.
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The better part of the two acceptable meanings.
But yeah I can't actually imagine that.
Though he was pretty tuckered out by all the honesty.
Is Mr. Coulson your doctor.
Or therapist?
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mr. coulson is the guidance counselor at the school.
he's a really cool guy, you should talk to him sometime.
i bet he would be unfazed by talking glasses.
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Another 'fictional', I take it.
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he knows captain america.
it's pretty much the best thing ever.