[ her voice is bright and overly cheery, almost like a wind-up toy: ] So I'm fictional now? That's all the new thing. Okay. I guess I can get with that if it's what the young kids are doing these days. No, it totally makes sense someone would make me up.

[ okay and now it's gone. bye-bye buffy of l.a. old. this is aged buffy, mature buffy. well mature-r buffy, and she's so not impressed. ]

Except not. I wish I had a nickel for every time I got kidnapped because... Actually, can we make it a quarter? I'm worth a quarter-per-kidnapping, at least. Inflation! That's a thing. A total thing. A really real thing that unfortunately affects me now. Being an adult is lame and ishy and I don't think my boring adult life where I waitress 50 hours a week and never get to take down my hair should be fictionalized. But that's just me. I'm not the fictionalizer so I guess I don't really have a say.

Which, when you think about it? Is kind of messed up. [ an offended nose-wrinkle! ]

Let's not think about it, Island-people. People of the Island. Islanders? Islandees? Islandics?

Oh, yeah. ...Did anyone else have a really weird dream last night?

[ this has been the worst introduction ever. she clicks the feed off anyway. ]