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dialogical) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thoughtformed2013-01-12 08:47 pm
dialogical) wrote in thoughtformed2013-01-12 08:47 pm
Entry tags:
[TEXTS, Various]
[This post is for AR bothering people during the event.
It's also cool if for some reason you want to text him.]
It's also cool if for some reason you want to text him.]
no subject
Vriska has never been particularly gifted at self-reflection. She's been brash and bold from day one-- well. Almost. The truth is that she was once just a terrified child, small and vulnerable, staring up at her truly formidable lusus and feeling cold terror in her gut at the thought of supporting the creature. Failure's reward would have been a painful death, either at the mandibles of her custodian or the weapons of the imperial drones.
When she found Mindfang's journal, she thought she found the way to be. To live. To survive. To excel. Fervent belief in her ancestor and desire to live up to her legacy gave Vriska the bravery, confidence, and ruthlessness she needed to stay alive.
She was, in the absolutely dead literal sense, born and raised to kill on nigh-genocidal levels.
But now here is Hal. Telling her that her species may have died out entirely had the Marquise taken her place. Telling her that Vriska herself has actually surpassed Mindfang's greatness by virtue of simply being who she was and making the choices she'd made. Telling her that not only is it fine not to live up to Mindfang, it is ultimately the better outcome.
Telling her that every aspect of herself that she perceived as weakness and failure all along - her deep down buried distaste for all the murder - is, in fact, perhaps a great strength. It is what makes her who she is. She is Vriska Serket. Not Marquise Spinneret Mindfang.
And that's ... that's actually okay. For the first time in her existence, choosing not to kill is not a weakness. It is not a flaw that will get her killed. For the very first time, not killing is the way to survive.
The realization absolutely blows her away.
She is glad, very glad, painfully grateful that she is alone. That no one can see the few cerulean tears that leak down her face as she squeezes her eyes shut very tight and tries to make herself believe. She is incredibly burnt out, emotionally devastated in so many different ways, and is having her entire world view violently torn down and painstakingly reconstructed right before her very eyes. All at once it just completely overwhelms her.
And it is one of the greatest feelings she has ever experienced. ]