[ Once-ler's (sporting a trendy new look of cats-scratched-my-face-up-so-much-why-this) in the park! He clears his throat then holds a thneed up to the camera. See thneed. He then folds the thneed into a small fuzzy ball and shows that to the camera. Fuzzy yarn like ball. He then points the camera down to show a bunch of cats sitting there watching it very very eagerly.

He then points the camera away from him and tosses the thneed. 10+ cats scramble after the thing ]

Going out on a limb here... But if anybody wants to buy one of these right now, it makes the greatest cat toy ever. It's only 3.98 and for an extra .15 cents I will throw a tiny laser pointer. Fun for hours guaranteed.

We're also having discounts on anchovy pizza.

Also! Also. [ points at one of the newer scratches on his cheek ] I'm aware I'm very tall and you can't get down for some reason but if I'm just going to get scratched up for helping, I'm going to have to start charging to get all the cats slash cat-people down from your trees. 'Cause ow....